If I were to write the story of my life thus far, I'd probably call it something like "Detours, and Where to Find Them". Don't get me wrong, I've had an interesting (some might say exciting) life as a result, particularly over the last 10 years. But it feels like somewhere along the line I purchased a lifetime access ticket to a never-ending roller coaster, complete with steep dives, corkscrews and loop-de-loops. Not ideal for my weak stomach :P
Leading up to the OMEGA students' arrival at Das Kanada Haus, I was experiencing a mixture of excitement, apprehension, and that good kind of contented tiredness that comes from a job well done. We had worked hard prepping rooms, planning meals, double-checking schedules and getting the base into tip-top shape. Honestly, I'm super proud of the work we accomplished.
When our volunteers started arriving (affectionately nicknamed "The Dream Team", and for very good reason!), I began to hear some internal alarm bells going off. Just as the pace was beginning to pick up, it became evident to me that I was struggling to keep up. As the crowds of people got larger and larger, my physical and emotional state slowly began to spiral. Enter burnout number... I don't know how many.
What frustrated me the most was that I had tried my best to be intentional about staying healthy on the field. I tried to keep active, eat well, get rest, take breaks and pace myself. I can't say that I've always been the best at this, but I gave it a good shot, and things were going really well for so long. Man, I made it through flight delays and cancellations - even almost missing one of my flights! - with a smile on my face and some mildly hilarious stories to tell. What made this particular situation so different? I'm still figuring that out, but I think a lot of it boils down to one core element that I've struggled with throughout my life: insecurity.
To make a long story very short, OMEGA Team B (a great team filled with kind, high-quality students) ended up losing one driver. To say I was disappointed over not being able to go would be a gross understatement. I think a more accurate word would be embarrassed. Embarrassed that I got caught up in this spiral again; embarrassed that I couldn't live up to my end of the ministry agreement; embarrassed that I (once again) had my incredibly fragile heart placed on display.
Thankfully, God knew what I needed in this season. He opened a door to allow me to spend a couple weeks with family friends and global workers whom my church has supported for many years, Paul and Lynn Kohls. It has been so helpful to process some of the things that have happened, and to add some strategies to my "toolbox" to help me deal with future stressors.
At this point I am planning on returning to Das Kanada Haus next week, concluding the OMEGA chapter and preparing to host future guests. Am I nervous? Of course! I don't want history to repeat itself. But I know that there's a reason why I'm here. I might not see all the details right now, but I'm praying that God would continue to work through what I have to offer; not just what I can do, but who I am.
On the bright side, the OMEGA teams have been sending back some phenomenal testimonies of God's power at work throughout Europe. There's still time to sign up for e-mail updates on the teams' progress. CLICK HERE to sign up today! You can also receive updates via Facebook by "liking" Summit Pacific College's page HERE. Thank you again for your support!
Yours in the Great Commission,
Emily